The Atlantic Monthly | March 2004
Writing Contest
Rewrite Shakespeare
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Revisions of Shakespeare's "All the world's a stage" speech, posted on March 1, 2004.
These revisions were written in response to the same assignment given to "Shakespeare" in the article "Would Shakespeare Get Into Swarthmore?".
ackie:
All the world's an information superhighway,
And all the modes of information transmitted by players full of bits and bytes; We have our uploads, downloads and our websites, And every player intercourses with countless email addresses. Our webmaster stages a seven level act. At first, the neophyte, Learning what HTML means visiting Computers for Dummies.
Then overconfident, with our laptops in tow
Firing up our monitors pretending to work at the air terminal, yet Unwilling to learn how to write a macro. And then proud of our first FORTRAN program, Singing like an IT professional, our clever binary short hand, Eyeing now that IPO.
Then as CEO/founder,
Spouting specific business jargon and sporting five o'clock shadows, Competitive to a fault, but just shy of Bursting our budding reputation as a team player Even as the issue of fair play evolves, for our actions are just, In an Adam Smith neo-con capitalist manner.
With wink and a stammer of our insider trading and burgeoning stock options, Accounted without SEC scrutiny or maybe even with its "blessing"– And so our webmaster of bits and bytes plays on into our sixth level Which shifts beyond the money-quest to metaphysics' be-speckled Nerdiness.
With our BlackBerry, cell phone and tablet laptop no longer nascent; Now searching beyond the downward slide by trying
to phone on the BlackBerry and type on the cell phone;
For our once complex webmaster of bytes and bits links only to Error 404, Turning back toward games of pong on monitors long gone And thrilled by watching Nemo. Last level of all, That ends this game of bits and bytes relished on the hard drive, Is a return to child's play and certain deletion,
Minus Cobol, C++, everything alive and electrified.
—Kerrie Evans
San Francisco, CA
Reader's evaluation: Ms. Evans employs odd capitalization, line spacing and syntax in this essay. It is obviously the product of an inventive and, therefore, scholastically rebellious mind. Grade: 2 out of 6.
he span of any lifetime will find a man or woman playing many roles, each in accordance with the stage of life in which they find themselves. While the above quotation from Mr. Linkletter offers four stages, at least seven identifiable life stages are important. These stages can be further classified as associated with the early, middle adult, or late life years, and as will be shown, each stage is characterized by unique behaviors and roles.
The early stages of life include infancy, childhood, and adolescence. The stage of infancy begins at birth and can best be described as a period of helpless oblivion. It finds the infant, crying, dependent on the arms of the nurse for comfort and protection. The stage of childhood follows that of infancy. This stage is one in which youthful countenance and vigor may belie vulnerability, whether to an imminent danger, as in the case of Richard III's nephews, or in the form of a petulant attitude towards the benefits of education. The stage of adolescence that follows is often a period of increasing strength, but also of emotional turmoil. Romantic love plays an important role in the development of personality that takes place during this stage. The passionate, emotional nature of these years is often characterized by impulsive thought, speech, and action: the characters of Romeo and Juliet from the play of the same name provide an excellent example of such behavior. Thus adolescence and the early years end with the emergence of strong, well-defined individuals on the cusp of adulthood.
The stages of life most often associated with the adult years were not mentioned by Mr. Linkletter. While presumably an attempt at levity, such an omission does a disservice to these significant years. These stages span a considerable length of time and often represent the most active and productive portion of a life; thus, any comprehensive chronological analysis should give appropriate treatment to these years. The first stage of adult life is that of the soldier. The dearth of such characters testifies as to the importance of their role; Laertes, a companion of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, provides one readily accessible example. While this soldier's impetuous nature may seem reminiscent of his recent adolescence, his actions are now directed toward the attainment of valor, honor, and renown. The consideration of reputation takes on increasing importance in the stage of the justice, or esteemed councilor, which follows that of the soldier. The girth and attire of these characters often speaks to this reputation and may also symbolize the fullness of experience from which they speak. An example of such a character is that of Polonius, the father of Laertes and advisor to the King of Denmark. While some have characterized Polonius' council as foolishness, none can deny that it is given in earnest and represents the sum of his considerable experience. Thus the stage of the justice represents the apex—in wisdom, in reputation, in girth and in attire—in the chronological progression of life.
The end stages of life are characterized by the gradual return to the state of helpless oblivion associated with infancy. Old age sees progression give way to regression, as is evidenced by the physical deterioration of voice and body. The clothing—and indeed the very values and concerns—that fit so well in earlier years no longer seem suited to the elder's deteriorating condition. A striking example of such deterioration may be found in the character of King Lear. As both the physical and psychological condition of the king declines, he slides again into obsolescence, unable to comprehend or control his own life.
The behaviors and roles of the infant, child, adolescent, soldier, justice, old man, and obsolescent "second infant" represent those typical at each of the various stages of life. The descent into oblivion that characterizes the final stage of life may raise questions as to the ultimate significance of the preceding six stages. Such meta-questions are inherently value-laden; as such, they must remain quite beyond the scope of this essay. Instead, it must content itself with having clearly identified and analyzed these seven discrete stages.
—Rachel Hoffman
Malibu, CA
Reader's evaluation: Ms. Hoffman's essay has not only excellent topic and concluding sentences, but also introductory and concluding paragraphs. She also uses appropriate examples from the works of a well-known writer to support her points throughout the piece. Grade: 6 out of 6.
ehaviorists generally agree that an individual lifetime consists of no fewer than seven phases, and that the history of humankind can be defined as the "aggregate sum of the seven life phases experienced by every human member of the planet's population, taking into account, of course, the ways in which Homo sapiens affect each other through their interrelationships and interdependencies." The seven stages of life, which will be discussed in more detail, below, are: infancy, childhood, romance, professional development, adulthood, old age, and death.
Infancy is characterized by a dependency upon others. For example, the infant needs nourishment, but lacking mammary glands as well as the fine and large motor skills necessary to take public transportation to a dairy farm or grocery store, he cannot reasonably obtain his own milk, and thus depends upon his mother or a wet nurse for the same. Moreover, should he regurgitate a portion of that breast milk, he cannot be expected to clean himself up, for he has not yet learned that it is socially unacceptable to have caked-up vomit on his face. Kindergarten marks the official end of infancy and the beginning of the next stage, childhood. Here, the child is trapped in a paradox, for he sometimes yearns to be autonomous and at other times simply wants his Mommy, so to speak. Thus, he is reluctantly taken to the curb to wait for the school bus, but once there he enjoys socializing with his peers. During childhood generally, the umbilical cord begins to loosen its grip on the child, and it is totally severed by the age of majority.
Unlike infancy and childhood, which officially end at ages five and eighteen, respectively, romance, the third stage of life, is not restricted to a certain number of years. Indeed, anywhere between pubescence and death romance can occur, and the duration of a particular romantic episode is as unpredictable as genetic mutation. Because the desire to love and be loved is so primeval, the individual in this phase is most vulnerable and is likely to experience the vast range of emotions between joy on the one hand and bitter agony on the other. Formerly, male-female relationships, consummated within the bonds of holy matrimony, were the social norm, but recent decades have given way to other socially tolerable structures, including premarital cohabitation and same sex relationships.
Graduation from high school marks the commencement of the fourth stage of life, professional development. In ancient times, military service or the priesthood were structured methods of career advancement, but the present day sees most young adults entering the university or getting what vocational experts refer to as "hands-on" training in an industry. There are no guarantees in this cutthroat dollar-driven world, but the individual gains confidence even in the face of uncertainty, and his reputation increases with each endeavor. With effort and experience comes wisdom, and it is this wisdom that marks the transition into full-blown adulthood, the fifth life stage. The wise man still earns his living, but he is well compensated for his labors and grows fat materially (and sometimes corporally as well).
Alas, the hands of time push on, and adulthood declines into old age, and with it the decline of the body. The aching foot, for instance, is now more comfortable in a slipper than a boot, as are the legs more comfortable in a wide-cut pant of something softer than denim; the eyes too, now dim, require an external aid, as do the ears. Likely the individual is enrolled in Medicare and receives prescription drugs through the mail—blood thinners, immunosuppressants, mineral supplements, and the like—and it is not uncommon to visit with a physician on a weekly basis. The body apparently must exit the world in the same state in which it entered the world, and it thus now begins its preparation for the same as the bowels return to their flaccid state and the voice is silenced and the brain returns to mush. Eventually and certainly, the final stage of death visits the individual. It is debated in ethical circles whether death occurs when lower brain stem activity ceases or whether the death of the heart is more synonymous with the escape of the soul; suffice it to say that death does come and with it the ending of all else that is known.
—Scott Smith,
Bountiful, UT
Reader's evaluation: With commendable use of topic sentences and examples and written in a perfectly pedantic style, Mr. Smith's essay receives a high score. Grade: 6 out of 6.
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