A Backwoods Philosopher

THE CONTRIBUTORS’ CLUB.

THE philosophic mind must have a theory. Though the man may live in ignorance, he will make an effort to understand the universe.

In the town where I sojourn in summer, one fourth of the signatures to the mortgages on file in the clerk’s office are made with a cross. An earnest, industrious man, intelligent in many things, but knowing almost nothing of books or figures, is the philosopher of the neighborhood. Years ago he took up the idea that there is some profound connection between numbers and the sounds of languages. He believes the sounds are based upon numbers ; and he believes that our alphabet of twenty-six letters is based upon the nine digits. To prove his theory, he numbers the letters of the alphabet as they stand in the usual order, and then proceeds to apply the numbers to words. Thus, the word second (the sixtieth part of a minute) is presented as an example, showing how the words relating to time conform to his theory. We are asked to notice that s is the nineteenth letter of the alphabet, e the fifth letter, c the third, o the fifteenth, n the fourteenth, and d the fourth. If now we add these numbers, we have 19+53+15+14+4 = 60. And that is because there are sixty seconds in a minute. “ Do you see that ? ”

In the same way the word day (4+1+ 25) counts thirty. And that is because there are thirty days in a month. “ Is that clear ? ”

Again, the word week (23+5+5+11) counts forty-four. That is because there are four weeks in a month. The doubling of the four (44) is merely emphatic. “ Is that satisfactory ? ”

Again, there are four weeks in a month, and as the week is forty-four we get for the month four, forty-four (4, 44) ; that is to say, three fours in line. If now we add these three fours (4+4+4) we get twelve. And that is because there are twelve months in the year. “ Is that conclusive ? ”

Here the philosopher’s demonstration becomes hazy, but he still pursues it with great earnestness, citing many examples in his determination to subdue the universe to his theory. He scales the heavens and speaks of the great sun-clock of time, and uses many high-sounding phrases. A point in this part of his theory will illustrate : — The letter M is the great meridian of sound and of time, because it is the middle letter of the alphabet. Its number is thirteen, and that number is therefore the great meridian, reckoning on the scale of sound and on the scale of time. If now we start in the sky, directly in the zenith, and strike our meridian downward, we cut the earth through its diameter and pass down to the sky below. We thus get four places of contact, where the meridian cuts the sky and the earth ; that is, the sky above, the upper surface of the earth, the lower surface of the earth, and the sky below. We may term these four cuttings four meridians. And four meridians (four times thirteen) make fifty-two. And that is because there are fifty-two weeks in the year. “ Is not this, as seen on the face of the great sun-clock of time, conclusive ? ” But the philosopher does not limit the application of his theory to the terms relating to time. He applies it to many subjects. Governed only by the rules of circumbendibus, his method is extremely flexible : it is as unlimited as the countless changes that numbers can be made to produce. He finds a very rich field in history. The names of ancient kings are made to agree with the dates when they were living and reigning. But above all else the great names and events of the Bible are “ figured out,” and the book is proved to be true by his system. It is interesting to see and hear the philosopher in meetings held for religious purposes, as he expounds the story of the Ark, showing that it was not made of common wood, but of prophetic timber. “ Bear with me, brethren,” he pleads, as his friends become restive and seem about to stop him. He has been sternly dealt with, but will not be silenced. Year by year he proceeds with the development of his philosophy. He persists in calling any number that can be divided by two a square, and any number that can be divided by three a cube, and misuses terms to such an extent that his neighbors do not understand him. But years do not abate his zeal. He feels that deep down at the foundations of the universe there is an agreement between the nine digits and the twenty-six letters which must be recognized. He demands as a right that his system shall he taught in the schools, as the foundation of all the sciences. He is finding more and more hints of wonderful meanings in the names of the heavenly bodies and the “ cubes and squares ” of the flexible process by which he “ solves them.” There is to his mind some meaning not yet known in that “ peculiar word ‘ cubit,’ ” because of its relation to the word “ cube,” and be regards with interest that strange “island they call Cuba.”

It has been facetiously suggested that this philosopher’s view explains how it is that so much difficulty is experienced in bringing about a reform in spelling. It is not easy to change that which is mortised into the foundations of the universe.