For the Book Page

The Life and Times of Somebody or Other. By Nicholson Pennys.

THERE is no particular reason why I should review this book. I know absolutely nothing about the fellow or his life and times, if he had any. I never even heard of him. Mr. Pennys and I have a bowing acquaintance. That is, I bow to Mr. Pennys and he pretends he does n’t see me. But some of Mr. Pennys’s friends told some of my friends that they thought it would be a good thing for me if I could review Mr. Pennys’s new book in one of the papers, and I was taken to lunch with that in mind. I had something in mind also; that was that I should not review this book of Mr. Pennys. But it was a very good lunch, with strawberry ice cream, and here I am writing the review.

I should say in the beginning that I consider Pennys an ass, and that he writes very badly. I should never read anything of his for pleasure, much less for profit, so that it is doubtful if I shall find myself praising The Life and Times of this man, I forget his name. Perhaps Mr. Pennys’s friends failed to think of that. Perhaps they thought I had an admiration for Mr. Pennys. If they did, they were wrong. They would have done better to have taken me to lunch with this Life and Times man, what’s his name? But of course that was impossible, for he was dead.

I had intended to read some of the book before I reviewed it, but it looked so dull that I could n’t begin. The friends of Mr. Pennys, particularly the one who is his publisher, seemed rather anxious that I should realize that this was the definitive biography of Mr. — er — of the subject. He left the impression that the man had led only one life and that it was all in this book. If that is so, I am surprised that he endured so long. He might have died reasonably

at chapter two. Mr. Pennys’s publisher said also that he hoped that I should notice Mr. Pennys’s style. Unfortunately he did n’t tell me in which chapter this appeared, and in my hasty survey I was unable to find it.

Mr. Pennys, I know, is considered erudite. He has drawn attention to this fact in several hundred footnotes, but I have never gone in for footnotes, especially those in small type. I think people who write such things should be abolished. When Mr. Pennys dies, he can have a footnote on his gravestone.

HERE LIES THE BODY OF NICHOLSON PENNYS ¹

But we were talking about this new book. In addition to being dull, it is very thin. A better title would have been ‘The Life and Spare Time of Somebody or Other.’ Mr. Pennys wrote it to oblige his publisher. I am writing this to oblige his publisher. I hope the publisher is satisfied. I am only sorry that this man who is the subject of the book had to be dragged into it. He was probably very upright and kind to his children. I am sure he did n’t want his life written any more than I want to review it. I wish he were alive, so that I could tell him so.

Perhaps the book will sell. This review contains a quotable passage: ‘the definitive biography,’ which, I dare say, will be worked up into bold type. Several critics will find it a great book by a charming writer. And if they don’t, the publisher can quote those words from here. I understand Mr. Pennys is abroad. Nothing can stop him. He is writing the ‘Life and Times’ of somebody else.

Order your copy now.