'What's in a Name?'

THE novelty of a first job was wearing a bit thin. Sorting numbers and filing orders in neat little folders had been quite an enjoyable pastime for a few days, but was now becoming rather monotonous.

Number 26378, 49502, 83508 — my weary eyes trailed off to rest themselves momentarily on the names attached to these orders. Mrs. Briggle — delightful name! And the address some romantic spot in Turkey. A note was attached and I hungrily scanned it. Why, Mrs. Briggle complained, did the —— Monthly include so many advertisements? And would n’t they please change the color of its cover? It did n’t harmonize with anything in her parlor, and she was sure a pretty, neutral shade would be more popular.

My flagging interest in life was aroused by Mrs. Briggle, and thereafter my attention was divided between names and numbers.

Before going further I should like to state that my own name borders on the ridiculous, so that the amusement I derive from other names is not due to a snobbish feeling of superiority. Even in the anonymity of the Club, I may confess that it rhymes with ‘splutter.’ Any filing clerk coming across my name in the course of a hard day’s work is at perfect liberty to laugh heartily if so inclined — and, this permission having been granted, I feel I may also be allowed to glean what amusement I can from our esteemed subscribers.

The names fall naturally into pairs or groups, and it is rather like playing old maid to find one name and then suddenly come across one that matches it. A few days ago I found Mr. Honk, and to-day who should appear but Mrs. Toot? Mr. Parsley and Mrs. Sellery were followed shortly by Mr. Beans and then Mr. Colliflower. After them came Messrs. Ruff and Ready and the Misses Wilde and Woolley, with Dr. Ill accompanied by Mrs. Ake. Mr. Freeze and Miss Shivers appeared together one cold morning, and after them came Mr. April, Mrs. Showers, and Miss M. Flowers. Mr. Midwinter paired with Miss Easterday, and Miss Worms came with Mr. Bugg and Mr. Beetle.

The Ook family was well represented, and included Mr. Zook, Mrs. Pook, Colonel Shook, and Mrs. Snook.

The largest group comprised the athletes, led off by Mr. Spry and Mr. Lively, followed by Miss Walk, Mr. Ran, Mrs. Gallup, Mr. Jump, Dr. Dash, Mrs. Hurdle, Miss Hopps, Mrs. Shove, Mr. Staggers, and finally Mrs. Bump.

Mr. Sheets and Mrs. Pillow made quite a striking pair, and were later joined by Mr. Blanket and Miss Bolster. My hopes of a Mrs. Fourposter were doomed to disappointment, but Mrs. Couch finally appeared to complete the picture.

Many of them might have stepped out of Dickens’s works — Mr. Spinx and Mr. Twitty; Mr. Panky, Mrs. Gump, and Mr. Scroggs. Also Angelina Mudge, Selina Heaps, Mrs. Wiggers, Mr. Heebink, Mrs. Tubby, and Mr. Maul Aleasey. Others were more individualistic — Peachy Fleet, for instance, and Artie Skoog; Mr. Goodnight, Miss Blythe Slaughter, Josie Wardrobe, Miss Finefrock, Thomas Doubt, and Mr. O. Heck.

My list also includes a name which may in Finland be as common as Smith in America, but which looks rather striking to the New England eye — Rautatiekirjakauppa. Some day I hope to meet a Finn who can spare the time to pronounce this name for me.

The list continues indefinitely, and I feel that I am doing many of our subscribers an injustice by not including their names. But I must close with a quartette that deserve at least honorable mention — Mr. Cuss, Mrs. Sass, Mrs. Gass, and Miss Hiss.

In conclusion, may I thank any of the above-mentioned people who happen to read this for helping to brighten the life of one very appreciative filing clerk?

After all, lacking a touch of humor, what’s in a name?