Poem

Non-Drinking Song

By Joyce Horner

SOMETIMES I think it’s sad to be
Like me
And like tea.
It would be fine
To know about wine,
Cry to the waiter, “Hey!
Montrachet,
Chablis!”
(I whisper, “Tea.”)
Or once in a while, “Ho!
Cliquot!”
But no,
Bring me another pekoe.
I’d like to get impassioned
Over an Old-fashioned,
Daiquiri, Sidecar,
But there you are—
Actually
I’m pained if you offer me
Cocktails for tea.
I know tea isn’t a sin,
Like gin,
But though it won’t hurt you
It’s no virt ue:
Tt, won’t make you fat,
Like chocolate,
Or thin —
It hasn’t a single vitamin.
In fact the more I think
Of all there is to drink,
The more it seems to be
Sad to be like me
And like tea.